Drowning!

Did my last post mention something about being ever the optimist?  Well let me tell you, I am well and truly pessimist off with this weather!

We have now been holed up in this caravan for three weeks.  It has rained every day and every night bar one.  It serves us right really.  We are always very smug about the wonderful weather we enjoy here with our own little micro-climate, whilst those of you in foreign parts are usually experiencing a less clement climate.  Well, please feel free to gloat, it is like Armageddon here.  When we were watching Independence Day it was like being an extra in the film.  The caravan was shaking, the awning was billowing.  We were a-rocking-and-a-rolling.  I was expecting to go to sleep in Canvas and wake up in Oz with Dorothy waiting to greet us in her little red shoes.  (Did you like that little play on words?? Canvas/Kansas? Oh, never mind!)

Things That Go Thump In The Night

Well it has finally happened.  There we were happily watching ‘Boys from the Black Stuff’ when a thump drew our attention to the fact that the awning had finally succumbed under the weight of the rain and collapsed in one corner. We have a stream running through what was our little sitting/kitchen area and now a broom is propping the awning up.  We had months without rain and now it is non-stop.  If there is somebody sitting up there above the clouds in control of meteorology could you not get a little happy medium going for us, please? Something between deluge and drought would be good. 

‘Noah’ good carpenter?

Abandon all hope!  That’s it!  Enough is enough!  We have decided to abandon the construction of the house and build a chuffing ark instead.  All are welcome to join us. We like to keep up with our changing times; therefore, we are not insisting on you coming on board two by two, singletons are welcome.  However, a supplement will be charged if you are travelling alone.  Climb aboard me hearties.
  

Strange Sightings In The Sky

In the words of Dinah Washington - ‘What A Difference A Day Makes’.  After three weeks of rain we have had, oooh at least three sunny days.  It is amazing how a ray of sunshine can lift one's spirits.  It can turn a boggy swamp into the Garden of Eden.   Suddenly all is right with the world.  What fickle creatures we are.

I forsook the paperwork to enjoy some sunshine and Brendan strimmed whilst I weeded.  I trod on the rake and smacked myself full in the mouth just as the neighbour’s sister and mother came over to introduce themselves.  I just pretended I hadn’t done it!  I’m now nursing a swollen lip.  I wouldn’t mind but I did the same thing a couple of weeks ago!

We chatted with Elben’s mother and sister.  I say that so nonchalantly as if the LGB and I were stood there conversing in fluent French.  I cannot mislead you; they, in fact, both speak fluent English!  Amazingly his sister Vi went to Nottingham Trent Uni, where Jack is studying and she still lives in Nottingham. His mother lives in Tahiti.

Trolley Dollies and Steel Toe Caps

When I was cleaning my ‘bathroom’, it suddenly occurred to me that a caravan toilet and an aircraft toilet are almost exact replicas.   The main difference being the caravan toilet doesn’t flush with that violent ‘whoosh’ that has you worried you are going to be sucked bum first out of the aircraft!  Absolutely no comments please about my derriere causing a ‘bouchon’ and therefore that being unlikely to ever happen to me!  Anyway, that set me thinking about my old life.  ‘Builder’s Labourer’ doesn’t sound as exciting and glamorous as ‘Cabin Crew’ or ‘Air Hostess’.  Life as a ‘trolley dolly’ does, however, have surprising similarities to that of a ‘navvy’.  It involved checking toilets mid-flight, serving meals and tidying seat pockets and sometimes dealing with awkward people.  I still serve meals, I still do all the tidying, in answer to your question Alan, tis I who cleans and empties our loo and I sometimes deal with awkward people person.  Whereas we used to climb to 35,000 feet I now climb ladders.  Do I miss my old life?  What, staying in lovely hotels, cheap holidays, a good salary and going to work in high heels and a smart suit?  I still get the odd night in a nice hotel; if we were to take any holidays they would definitely be ‘cheap’ but I no longer earn a salary.  As for the high heels, they play havoc with my gout these days and the heels get caught in the ladder rungs! Now where did I leave my steel toe-caps? Tea? Coffee?

This is a blog about building so I suppose I ought to mention our progress.  None!  Well, a little. We have bought an electric hoist to aid the LGB in his advancing years.  I don’t mean a Stannah stair lift or a personal winch for getting him out of the bed or chair; it is to save his poor old back.  He has had a little play around with it and cobbled together a system to winch the big white shell stones into position around the living room doorway.  He screws a hook into the top of the stone and I operate the hoist whilst the LGB shouts at me and manoeuvres the stone into position. Less of the shouting fella, fingers can very easily slip on these controls!  So there we have it; half a doorway built in three weeks.  After a few calculations I would estimate the build being finished about 2020, by then the LGB will need that hoist.